Harper Granville is moving

lets-stay-connectedHey friends!

Just a heads up>>> I’ve moved to a self-hosted site so that means if you are following via email – you’ll need to visit my new site and enter your email again. Bummer, I know. (Posts will still show up in WP reader)

I know I’ve been quiet for awhile. I’ve been writing so much for other people that I kept putting my personal stuff on the back burner…that happens.

I’ve also made a goal to write my first book by Jan. 31.2017 (whoa!) Could use your encouragement and cheers along the way.

Here is my latest post that didn’t show up in your email: Personal Pursuit. Kind of a heavy one, but was writing out of some frustration.

I’m getting ready to start a new series about the common phrases we hear, so I’d love to have you continue to give me input and follow along.

Blessings on your day!

I Don’t Want To Be A Hero

heroDear God,

I’ve been thinking about dreams a lot lately. You know how intense my dreams are and always have been. Sometimes I dread going to sleep. I don’t usually remember much in the morning, but enough to remember the theme is nearly always the same: Running from danger, fighting through a disaster, or trying to rescue my son or other people from harm, including myself. Every night, I fight the lonely battles that are never won, or I’m running and running, but never getting away. My earliest memories are dreams about running from danger.

Why? 40 years of running, battles, and rescues (except mine) and I’m tired.

I think what bothers me most is that in all these dreams not once has anyone been around to be my hero. I’m always alone, trying to protect myself in addition to other people. No matter the dream, I am under some type of attack. But I still wonder at the need to feel like I need to be the rescuer in my own dreams. I never expect to be rescued.

I’m tired of running. I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of being a hero.

The dreams always end before there is a resolution. I’ve never rescued my son, I’ve never saved my life or the lives of anyone else because I wake up first.

I suppose that’s why I have a natural inclination to want to be a “tough girl.” My motives for joining the women’s shooting club, taking self-defense courses, active shooter training, and joining the local Emergency Response Team, must stem from my deep need to be a “hero”. I never thought of it that way before, but it’s starting to make sense.

Somehow, I have the need to prove that I can make a difference, and seeing myself as a hero is an attempt to satisfy my conscience; but in reality it’s not resolving anything. Why do I feel like I need to be a hero?

Tonight as I thought about what dreams might be awaiting me, I decided I don’t want to be a hero anymore.

I just want to be me.

I want a Sweet Dream – anything besides the exhausting nightly ritual of running from danger. If there is running, let it be for fun and joined with laughter. I want to feel safe and secure. I want to be rescued by You.

Norwegian landscape

Let me dream of pleasant times, beautiful views, sweet smells, and good friends. Life has enough daily stress, let me have a taste of heaven and give my mind a rest.

And when I’m not dreaming, open my eyes to see the blessing I bring every day to people in my life and the blessing they are to me. I want to love like You love. If I am going to be exceptional in anything, let it be in love. I don’t want to be anyone’s hero – that’s Your job.

Father, it’s time for my subconscious mind to realize that…

You are my rescuer.

You save me.

You are my Ultimate Hero.

Where Are The Believers?

believers

I suppose you could say tonight’s post is a bit of a vent. It was actually a journal entry, but as I was writing in response to a challenging day and many months and months of frustration and hitting walls, I thought someone might relate???

Dear God,

It seems like most Christians do not believe the Word of God outside of the four walls of church or the security of a Bible study. Instead, they are addicted to talking eagerly about the Bible…but not living it out. Continue reading

The Dog Park

black lab
As I was walking my dog this morning, I watched the cars pulling into the dog park across the street. I smiled as a truck drove by with a dog barking incessantly as the truck drew closer to the park. His barking made me laugh out loud because I could feel the excitement of this dog – he certainly knew where they were heading! It is not an unusual occurrence. I hear dogs barking and jumping excitedly all the time as their owners drive up to the park.
I smiled as I thought how great it was that these people love and take care of their dogs so much. We all love our pets, don’t we? We cater to them. We get up early for them. We do things for them that they love. We cuddle with them. They are the focus of our photos and attention.

Continue reading

Cherish The Memories

memoriesLast night my parent’s came over for family game night and my mother showed up with several CDs of old family videos that she had transferred from tapes. After they left I sat down and watched my high school graduation and my sister’s high school graduation. Nearly 30 years have gone by since those days and it was like watching another life. I barely remembered anything and as I viewed images of myself I tried to remember what was going through the mind of that young woman avoiding the eye of the camera. I felt as if I was watching a shadow. Who was that person in the video? As far as my sister’s graduation I had no recollection of that day at all. In fact I told my parents I didn’t think I was there because it was the summer I had made a trip to Guatemala for a missions trip. Yet, suddenly, there I was in the video.

I was astonished at how quickly memories fade.

The most emotional part was seeing my grandparents who have long since passed away. I wanted to jump into the screen and grab hold of them one more time. Chuckles abounded out of seeing how much everyone has changed – the slimmer figures, darker and fuller hair, and the the hair styles! My son sat next to me and when an image of my mother came into view he said, “Nana’s hair looks like the shape of an atomic bomb!”. We rolled with laughter. The videos brought back wonderful memories of fun family gatherings. As imperfect as my family was, we loved our gatherings. I always enjoyed being around all the cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and friends so close we couldn’t remember if they were blood-related or not. Living within a few hours of each other made it easy to throw together a picnic or bbq filled with lawn games and laughter.

I’m really grateful my mother took the time to put these memories together. It’s good to remember pleasant times. Cherish your memories for if you do not, you lose something valuable.

When I awoke this morning I had a bit soberness as it bothered me at my lack of remembrance in my life. Have I completely disregarded the life I had? In my pursuit of being better, learning and growing, did I throw away the precious gift of remembrance? I felt very disconnected to the girl in the video – she had no idea the hard life she had ahead. If  I could go back and talk to her what would I say? I wanted to reconnect in some way to those moments as if it could somehow save me from the sadness and heartache of other memories. All those swirling thoughts ended up with the impression of how important it is to simply remember. Remember the blessings and cherish those memories.

How many times does God ask us in His Word to remember? He established festivals and rituals for the sole purpose for us to remember. Communion is about remembering the Life given to us through the sacrifice of Christ. Do many of us devote much time to remembering the goodness of God and the lessons in life? I know I don’t give any. I think we assume we will automatically remember. Last night was a good reminder that not only is remembering something good for us as it helps with perspective, but remembering takes a focused effort. It’s easy to recall the pain and hard times, but we easily discard memories of the blessings. I am guilty of focusing on the pain, but last night revealed that it’s not only the hard times that shape my life – it’s the good times as well.

As a challenge to all of us: what can we do to remember the good things in our life and the faithfulness of God? I know the Paul says “forgetting what lies behind I press forward toward the upward calling of God.” How do this directive and the command to remember fit together? Perhaps it is the encouragement to do the opposite of what we naturally do – forget the failure and pain of the past and move up in the high calling of God.

Occasionally taking the time to stop and purposely remember God’s goodness through fond memories and honoring His blessings in our lives is a good habit to form. It builds within us a grateful heart and perhaps diminishes the negative memories that we easily hold on to.

 

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