I suppose you could say tonight’s post is a bit of a vent. It was actually a journal entry, but as I was writing in response to a challenging day and many months and months of frustration and hitting walls, I thought someone might relate???
It seems like most Christians do not believe the Word of God outside of the four walls of church or the security of a Bible study. Instead, they are addicted to talking eagerly about the Bible…but not living it out. (gosh, I lived that way for so long) I hear declarations of faith in provision and health yet the same people get offended when someone actually believes in it. “Kook” or “Quack” or “Weirdo” or “Fanatic” are the words used for those who do. I’ve been so excited about the journey I’ve been on with learning about grace, and power, walking in the Spirit. I assumed others would share my enthusiasm in what I am learning and experiencing. Instead, I’m just making people mad.
I used to be that way, so I understand the thinking, though I can’t remember ever telling someone I didn’t want them in my life anymore because I thought they were too fanatic. Maybe I just ignored them??
As I am be led by You into walking out what I’ve talked about for so long, I have been surprised how few are here. So, so few.
Even “baptized in the Spirit”, charismatics take off their “charisma” and belief like an old coat or a costume and leave it at the door. (And why do we have to be a charismatic to believe in healing? I don’t need a loud organ, shouting, or big robes…why can’t we have healing in a Baptist church – my background. Figure that…a spirit-filled Baptist…that would be awesome!)
I don’t understand. Where are the Believers?
I keep visiting churches looking for those who actually believe what the Bible says in DEED. I’m getting closer, but the process has been discouraging. We praise God in the service, raise our hands, declare Your power and healing, and then in the foyer, over a cup of coffee, we all exchange our aches and pains stories.
I’ve discovered that “Pray for me” really means, “Feel sorry for me”. No one, I mean, NO ONE, I have come across has EVER expected God to heal or provide for their needs. I’ve stopped praying for people because..I, I…don’t even know what to say anymore. I want to pray for people.
Even the energetic, spitting, red-necked pastors I have come across, who fervently declare Your healing and provision with long tales of testimonies, even they turn distracted and bored once off the stage, offering quick prayers, a “bless you”, and then they hunt for their next donut or coffee. They don’t even know your name or wonder if you feel any better, or even continue praying until a breakthrough. I mean, am I getting this all wrong? I’m not judging, just wondering because I am so eager to believe and see Your power, but I can’t find any churches where it is happening. I watch people losing hope for healing as their own leaders are not believing with them outside of their preaching. I hear testimonies, but I haven’t seen anything in church. I have experienced it at home, on my own, but I want to see believers praying for each other. Everyone I know is sick and it makes me mad! Not at them, but at the devil to binding us to sickness! I offer to agree for healing and no one has taken me up on it yet.
I feel like a little child in a field, surrounded by people, but completely alone. I really believe You want us well and desire that we all operate in the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
About the only gift I seem to be operating in is putting my foot in my mouth and offending others. A little help…. 😁